we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
