So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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