I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's blow job season.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
