you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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