I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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