you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Be still, my beating vagina.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
