brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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