So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
