there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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