I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
