And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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