So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
