I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
