Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
