my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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