just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Let's get the cat blown out
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
