Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
