I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize