Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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