he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
