They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Your cock deserves a montage
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
