Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
