Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
