If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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