you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
