I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
