I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
