I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
