Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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