We won't sleep together?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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