He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
