Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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