i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
