Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
