I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize