I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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