We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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