And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
