I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
