My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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