that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
