it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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