Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
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have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
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Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize