that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
soo... how was my night?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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