Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
