shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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