I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
