Im at strip club and am horny
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
