I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
