Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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