I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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