I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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