Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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