just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
