hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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