so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
