I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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