he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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