69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
