If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
