I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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