I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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