i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
