I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
two words: eviction party
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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