just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
