I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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