if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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