the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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