I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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