you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
