Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
