So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
