Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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