her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
