She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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