I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
