I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
