too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
