I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
