I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize