how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
