How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
