yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Farmville is her only friend.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
