Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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