i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
