found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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