i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
