Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
