OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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