goodnight i made you a song goodbye
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
